It’s an inevitable and sometimes uncomfortable situation.  You’re in a meeting or on a conference call and not everyone has arrived, requiring you to banter with the client/boss/partner mano y mano.  How do you engage in small talk and build rapport?  If you get nervous and start to stammer, what do you do?  Do people even care about small talk in today’s fast-paced business world?

Whether we like it or not, small talk is a necessary skill for corporate survival.  But there is a distinct difference between thoughtful engagement and outright BS (believe me, I’ve done both).  There are endless sources available on this topic but here are my four tips for leaving a positive impression:

1. Do Your Homework.  If you arrive empty handed to the situation, you are likely to stumble.  Gather nominal information on the person’s location, interests, family situation, etc.  The goal is to find something relevant to discuss.  Did they just take a vacation or are they planning one?  Did some major news/weather event just occur in their geography?  Are they an aficionado of writing?…sports?…movies?…dogs?  A little legwork can go a long way.
2. Make It About Them.  The temptation to bring the conversation back to you is often irresistible.  The goal here is not to demonstrate your Renaissance-like expertise but instead to show genuine interest in the other party.  This is done through a series of open ended questions (i.e., not ”yes”/”no”) that get them engaged in a topic they are experts in - themselves and their lives.  
3. Be Genuine.  This is the easiest for me to write and often the most difficult to execute.  Just remember that people can be absolutely fascinating, so pay attention, maintain eye contact (if in person), provide verbal reinforcement and repeat a portion of what they conveyed as you segue into the next question.  Pretend you had to write an essay about this person’s life and you really want to figure out what makes them tick.
4. Know When to Put the Shovel Down.  If you are digging a hole and things go south, stop the small talk immediately.  As desperation and anxiety build, the smell of BS tends to get stronger.  Immediately cut to something related to the meeting or, if necessary, excuse yourself for a moment to grab a cup of coffee or ask where the restrooms are located.  They will appreciate your level of situational awareness and you will want a small window to regroup.

My colleagues who read this blog all have an example of where I’ve failed miserably in this area.  In fact, most have seen me crash and burn with seemingly endless stories and outright humiliating behavior.  If the strongest lessons in life come from failure, I am an expert on small talk.  

One quick example is the time a new executive was moving into his office and I examined a framed portrait on his desk.  ”Great picture of you and your brother Jim!”, I proclaimed with a smile.  ”That’s my wife.” said Jim morosely, snatching the picture from my hands.  I backed out of his office slowly.  For some reason Jim and I never got along from that point forward.

Let’s keep the conversation small talk going.   

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 19th, 2008 at 8:30 am and is filed under General Thoughts, Human Capital/Human Resources. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.