Most of us have been there at one time or another.  You’re driving to work in a ridiculous get-up that somehow seemed cool or innovative at home.  A little voice screams “Turn around fool!” as the woman in the car next to you shakes her head in dismay.  What if no one else dresses up?  What was I thinking?  Maybe I should call in sick…..ugh.

Employees either truly love or absolutely despise Halloween. I remember so many years of company-endorsed Halloween skits, events and costume contests (all excuses to drink on site, I might add) that my synapses struggle to fire without candy corn shooting out of my mouth.  We usually had fun, were hugely inappropriate, inevitably offended others and wrote it all off under the clause of “good clean fun”.

After all this time, I’ve found that nearly all employees fall into one of five types on All Hallows Eve:

1. Themed Groups: They spent six weeks of planning in hushed rooms.  Hysterical laughter rings through the halls and they are convinced that their idea is “unbelievably cool” and everyone will be “blown away” upon the great unveiling.  Tendencies include a desire to have a musical entrance, skit or dance routine.  There are usually too many inside jokes and the audience is left disappointed.  What a tremendous waste of time.
2. The Closet Creative: Although Jan works in accounts payable, this is the one time of year when she can show off the results of her 12-week paper mache and painting course. Her excruciating attention to detail allows that smirk of pride to emerge from her partially masked face with a “Look at me, I know more than Excel!” sort of way.  Enjoy it Jan, because on Monday it’s back to the salt mines.
3. The Anti-Costume: Not fully dismissive, these employees choose mockery and sarcasm, often dressing as their coworkers, themselves, or difficult (yet memorable) clients.  Their day flows by with quasi-indifference and smug responses such as, “What, don’t you get it?” or “The store didn’t have an idiot mask or I would have dressed as you.”  Their anger keeps them warm yet they still eat cake with the rest of ‘em.
4. The Overzealous Executive: Channeling Michael Scott, these mid-level crazies overspend on a costume and then spend the next eight hours running around like hyper-hypos trying to “rally the troops” and get everyone “in the spirit”.  Puns, forced laughter and the inevitable digital camera are their weapons of choice.  They can be found rocking in the corner of the Halloween party with chocolate on their face and a bed of empty candy wrappers.
5. I Refuse to Participate: More and more are falling into this category and the reasoning is quite logical.  This includes - a) “You can’t force me to dress up!”; b) “I have an allergy to flame-retardant fibers.”; c) “We are running a business not a fun house.”; and my all-time favorite, d) “You look like an idiot. Take that ridiculous thing off and get back to work!”  They also turn off their front porch light and unplug their doorbell.  Trick or treat, you ask?  Fools….

I’m sure I’ve forgotten so many others so please tell me, which type of Halloween employee are you?  Best of luck surviving the day and let’s keep the conversation going.

The sheer magnitude of the quarterly write-down is unprecedented in the HR outsourcing industry - $272.9 million.  This is what Convergys Corporation (NYSE: CVG) reported in their quarterly earnings announcement earlier today.  

To put that number in perspective, this represents ~40% of CVG’s consolidated revenues for the quarter and is nearly 5x the quarterly revenue of the HR Management business unit.  And as you can imagine, investors were thrilled (insert sarcasm here).  On a day when the market rose nearly 11%, CVG lost ~28% of it’s value and closed at an all-time low.  That’s right…the lowest price in it’s history at $7.16/share.

So what did CEO Dave Dougherty have to say?

“….In HR Management, we continue to make progress with our two large HR outsourcing implementations; however, our financial results are not satisfactory. As a result, we are taking a series of actions to reduce the implementation risk and improve the future earnings and cash flow in this business.”

The two deals are Johnson & Johnson (signed in May of ‘07 as a 10-year, ~$1B HRO contract) and DuPont (announced in November of ‘05 as a 13-year, $1.1B global HRO account).  Due to the complexity of the change management initiatives, scope and scale of implementation, and revenue recognition ties to go-live, BPO providers must float their cost basis on a forward-funded model.  This creates undue pressure on the P&L and results in the outcome we see today.

So the age-old question once again raises it’s head - is large market HRO sustainable?  Can it be deployed profitably?  Will clients embrace standardization and will providers effectively innovate and deliver?  Unfortunately, today’s results continue to reinforce an increasingly negative perception of holistic HRO’s value proposition.  Let’s keep the conversation going.

Day One had left us exhausted and largely disheartened.  Following a restless night on the ledge of quiet indignation, Punk Rock HR’s Laurie Ruettimann, HR Wench‘s Jenn Barnes, HR Minion and I discussed what we would do if we survived this encounter, vowing “never again!” to fall victim to the promise of an IQPC guided journey to the Talent Management Summit.  

Shaking our cobwebbed minds free of the oxygen-deprived ramblings of those around us, we attempted to remain focused on the next phase of the climb.  With heavy hands we put on our press badges, strapped into our gear and made ready to tackle the Summit.  It was a clear morning, but a storm was brewing and we had to move swiftly to avoid certain cerebral death.

Strapping into the line outside our tent, my group was immediately pulled skyward by Scott Fleming, President of dinnerware company Replacements Ltd.  Scott leapt crevasses of corporate bias with his support of the GLBT community, war-torn immigrants and the formally incarcerated.  We learned about fully paid domestic partner benefits, gastric bypass surgery, pets at work, onsite nurse care and limos to encourage mammograms.  His ice axes shattered preconceived notions and we ascended with ease.  Scott left with tremendous gratitude from our group, his parting words ringing with truth:

“The rewards of doing the right thing far outweigh the challenge of doing so.” - Scott Fleming, Replacements Ltd.

And then reality set back in.  Our smiles quickly turned sour as it started to snow.  Heavy, wet, putrid, condescending snow.  It seemed to be emitting from the gaping jaw of a speaker self-appointed from on high.  Our entire climbing group unconsciously stepped backward, resisted, and then fell back further.  Entire paragraphs of content were read, the size 6 font clouding our vision.  With covered faces, we turned inward so as to slow the mind-numbing cold of ten-year-old “advice”.  Disoriented, we saw another group of five vanish into the abyss.  I was certain this was the end.

This sensory assault made me recall that I had encouraged others to Summit with me.  I had promoted this nightmare on my web site, in my blog and to my friends.  And how could I possibly make up for my lapse in judgement, my naiveté?  If they (and I) survived, I vowed to offer any of my fellow climbers two times their price of entry in free consulting.  I must make amends and….must….stay….awake.

Then I heard the helicopter, rotors spinning wildly and clearly challenged in the thinning air.  We were going to get plucked from the frozen grasp of mediocrity and live to tell the tale.  The rope ladder slapped against the Summit and the few of us who remained grasped blindly for a rung.  And suddenly we were airborne, lifted into the sky and pulled free.  The pilot, we learned later, was Nicole Ganier-Cosme, President of Magic Workforce Solutions.  She inspired confidence in overcoming urban unemployment, created opportunities for minorities, leveraged tax credits and executed all with grace and enthusiasm.  I remembered Scott’s quote from earlier in the climb and saw it embodied in a bright and driven executive.

We landed and laughed with the nervous joy of those who had survived a near tragedy.  With negative lessons well outweighing the benefits, we walked away wiser than when we arrived.  We told stories, compared notes and promised to never forget our two days at the Summit.  

In all seriousness though, we must do better as an industry.  We cannot cajole ourselves into believing that HR’s journey will be completed by simply passively attending conferences and jotting down catch-phrases for corporate regurgitation.  We must be challenging, innovative and relentless in our pursuit of excellence.  And once you’ve done it?   Talk about it, share it, and help your peers rise with you.  And with that thought, I’ll leave you with a quote from someone I admire greatly, and hope we’ll continue to keep the conversation going.

“No matter how much you pay, even with all the assistance the [conference organizers] and the guides provide, it’s still an incredible amount of work. No one can haul you up Everest. You can’t just buy the summit. You’ve got pay with sweat and puke and maybe with your life. That is worth some grudging respect.” - Jon Krakauer, Into Thin Air

As a survivor of the ill-fated IQPC Talent Management Summit, many have asked me to share my story.  By now you have likely heard from several attendees who escaped the wrath of the Summit.  It’s only been a few days and I still struggle with what part I might have played in the events that unfolded.  Where to begin….

Approximately 150 of us arrived at IQPC’s base camp on Tuesday morning.  Breakfast was served, an orientation was held and gear was passed out to help us navigate through the two-day Summit push that was about to commence.  HR attendees had assembled from all points, and hopes were high for an inspirational few days.

I arrived a bit late and hastily strapped on my harness and shoes.  I was placed in the back with a team that included Punk Rock HR’s Laurie Ruettimann, HR Wench’s Jenn Barnes and HR Minion.  We were so innocent in our ignorance of what was to come.

What started as a clear day quickly turned stormy.  We were pelted in the face with wind-whipped phrases like “HR’s seat at the table”, “strategic business partners”, “strategic asset” and other pedantic dribble.  Voices came from on high warning us about the eminent danger HR faced.  A few unprepared speakers slid quickly over a precipice, plummeting head first into micro-fonted PowerPoint chasms a mile deep.  Yet still we pressed onward, our hope not yet fully dashed.

Every so often an IQPC climbing guide would appear, the backs of their parkas slick with the snake oils that charmed us onto the mountain.  They smiled, but their acronym did not warm our minds as the temperature dropped.  No “I” for International, “Q” for Quality or “P” for Productivity was to be found.  We were on a fool’s errand but refused to stop.

The horn sounded for lunch and I realized I was no longer with my group.  Instead, I found myself sandwiched between an extremely angry magazine editor (”I got the CEO of Delta fired!”) and the group head of talent for Mastercard (”…wasting $1,400 on a conference - priceless”).  We made painful small talk and I used my growing anger to keep me warm.

Regrouping with my team, we saw the storm break in the early afternoon with the arrival of Harrah’s VP of Talent, Susan Hailey.  She was funny, pragmatic, engaging and did not bullshit the audience or talk to them like five-year-olds at a birthday party (”Now Johnny, you know it’s not time to eat recruiting cake yet…”).  Susan was from Silicon Valley and embodied the entrepreneurial spirit.  We resumed climbing with vigor and a sarcastic smile.

The day dragged on as darkness quickly set in.  If not for the yellow font against the white background of a presentation (I wish I were kidding), we wouldn’t have realized we were backsliding down the mountain of progressive thinking.  I tried to get my ice-axe to grab hold of an original thought and stop my team from mental free-fall.  

Exhausted, disheartened, frustrated and angry, we finally hit a ledge and slept off the first day’s events.  I’ll let Jon Krakauer paraphrase my group’s feelings post-Day 1:

“I’d been fantasizing about this moment, and the release of emotion that would accompany it, for many months. But now that I was finally here, standing [at the Talent Management Summit], I just couldn’t summon the energy to care.” - Into Thin Air

In Part II we’ll talk through the second day of the Summit push, highlight a few speakers who brought oxygen to the dying, and take personal responsibility for the calamity that was this God-awful conference.  Until then, let’s keep the conversation going.

It was the early 1990’s and I was working for Hewlett-Packard at one of their call centers in Santa Clara, CA.  We were wrestling with a large project that required extra hours, so we decided to come in on a Sunday morning to try and get ahead of the week.  A coworker wisely brought donuts and coffee, and the meeting began.

About ninety minutes in, we decided to take a bio break, refill on caffeine and nosh on any remaining donuts.  Turning toward the coffee station, I spotted an older man walking aimlessly up and down the miles of cubicles.  Suddenly he stopped, picked up one of our crullers and started munching away.  ”Hey!”, I yelled, rushing toward him.  ”Those are ours!”, I cried, “And what the hell are you doing in the building?”  My voice shrilled as I all but snatched the remaining crumbs from his wrinkled paw.

“I’m so sorry young man, I had no idea.”, said the man, turning his eyes upward.  He wiped his hands on his pants and extended a handshake.  ”My name is Dave Packard.  I hope I didn’t disturb your meeting.  Nothing like a strange old man to throw off your concentration, is there?”  He grinned wryly and had a little chuckle at my expense. 

As I nervously smiled and slowly backed away from the “P” of HP, I realized what a moron I had been.  His picture was on the wall.  His initials were everywhere.  Holy crap…I had just verbally abused the Chairman of HP in his own building.  What else to do but dig in a little deeper and hope he’s a good sport, right?

“Don’t let it happen again!” escaped my lips as I wagged an accusatory finger.  ”I’ll be keeping an eye out for you.  And try not to hire any brash young idiots, okay?”  I fake-scowled, smiled and he had a good laugh, waved and moved on.  Whew…that was ugly.

My point in sharing that story is that I have embarrassed myself in literally hundreds of ways over the years (just ask my wife).  But guess what?  So has everybody else.  In my experience, one of the keys to success is to truly and sincerely admit that you are human, you make mistakes and can recognize your own shortcomings.  Self-deprecation is one of the things I enjoy most.  It’s much nicer than making fun of others and typically serves as a good way to draw people into a conversation.  

But what about when self-deprecation is false?   This is the feeling some had (myself included) from this weekend’s Saturday Night Live appearance by Sarah Palin.  There is a fine line between allowing people to mock you in your presence and actually mocking yourself.  Palin did the former and should have done the latter.

Self-deprecation is not new to the campaign trail.  To that end I’ll leave you with a story from “Mirth of a Nation” by humorist Mark Katz.  Let’s keep the conversation going and I’ll look forward to seeing some of you in Las Vegas tomorrow.

In 1958, then-Senator Kennedy was already leading the pack for the Democratic presidential nomination, but many in Washington still dismissed him as the brash son of a wealthy and unscrupulous man, a father too eager to bankroll his son’s upcoming bid for the White House. Speaking at the Capitol Hilton before an audience of such skeptics, Kennedy held up what he said was a telegram from his “generous daddy” and read it aloud: “Jack, Don’t spend one dime more than is necessary. I’ll be damned if I am going to pay for a landslide.”

I’m a fan of most celebrations (and rarely concern myself with the underlying purpose), but National Bosses Day ranks among the most ridiculous holidays ever concocted.

What?  You didn’t know that today is National Bosses Day?  Well perhaps your groveling peers did.  And in fear of losing their jobs during a time of economic crisis, they likely applied their limited wages toward the purchase of an unneeded bauble for presentation to the person who - by definition - already has more than them.  (Of course, the irony of the situation may be that the boss attributes the gift to excess wages, thus justifying a further reduction in pay.)

So how did National Bosses Day come to be?  Like all great stories, it began with the nepotistic dreams of one person:

“Patricia Bays Haroski registered ‘National Boss’s Day’ with the U.S. Chamber of Commerce in 1958.  She was working as a secretary for State Farm Insurance Company in Deerfield, Illinois at the time and chose October 16 because it was the birthday of her boss, who happened to be her father.  Four years later in 1962, Illinois Governor Otto Kerner backed Haroski’s registration and officially proclaimed the day.”

• National Wait in Endless Line at the DMV Day
• National 20 Items in the 15 Item Grocery Lane Day
• National Disinterest in the Customer Day
• National Your Call is Very Important to Us Day

Sometimes a gift from the heart is the only answer, so take some time today to speak with your boss and thank her.  And when she looks at you sidewise (because she didn’t know it’s National Bosses Day), you can be ensured the circle of kiss-ups will continue.  Let’s keep the conversation going.

According to my stopwatch, it has been exactly seven minutes and thirty-nine seconds since I’ve heard a “Main Street” versus “Wall Street” reference.  And what a glorious 7:39 it has been.  I’m not sure about you, but I neither live on Main Street nor Wall Street, and I’m getting tired of the gross oversimplification.

According to the United Nation’s World Urbanization Report (2007), 249 million Americans - 81% - live in urban areas.  Of those, the majority live in very large cities or their surround suburbs.  So if we don’t live on Main Street, why is the metaphor appear to be so powerful?

For an answer we turn to literature, and more specifically, Sinclair Lewis’ satirical novel Main Street.  Published on October 23, 1920, Main Street was an enormous success, estimated to have sold nearly two million copies within two years of publication.  The novel centers around Carol Milford, a feminist (before the term existed) reared in big-city Minneapolis who marries and is convinced to move to small town Gopher Prairie with her husband Will.  Suffice it to say that she doesn’t fit in, leaves her husband and moves to Washington, DC for a time before returning (but not relenting). 

I’m not a literary critic, but the popularity of the book shocked many at the time.  Main Street was banned in many cities and terribly offended many across the nation.  The novel was initially awarded the 1921 Pulitzer Prize, but the Board of Trustees overturned the decision and gave the Pulitzer to another author.  

The metaphor, however, has lived on.  For an explanation of the power of the Main Street metaphor, I turn to the good people from NovelGuide:

“Sinclair Lewis goes to great rhetorical lengths to impart to the reader his intention that the Main Street of Gopher Prairie in his novel should be taken to symbolically represent the Main Street of all small towns and their common characteristics. “Its Main Street is the continuation of Main Streets everywhere,” writes Lewis in the prefatory note to the novel.

As such, Lewis uses the phrase “Main Street” not simply to refer to the specific road but to a cultural nexus of the time that placed the values of small town society at a premium and eschewed any outside views. In Lewis’ fiction, the values of small town America are encapsulated within the world of “Main Street” and those who seek to challenge those values are doomed to face extreme censure.

With a characteristic note of cynicism Lewis concludes his preface: “Would he not betray himself an alien cynic who should otherwise portray Main Street, or distress the citizens by speculating whether there may not be other faiths?”"

So wherever you live, at least you can now appreciate why the comparison consumes the modern airwaves. I, for one, am ready for a break in the rhetoric.  Let’s keep the conversation going.

I know, I know…not much of a subtle play on words. 

We are just over ten days away from the 11th Annual Talent Management Summit and host IQPC has extended a final incentive to Inflexion Point readers.  Simply mention code “TMIP04” and you’ll receive $400 off the main conference (a 20% discount) or the all-access pass for $2,599 (a $1,000 savings).  

With the overwhelming coverage of the economic crisis, I’m certain you will benefit from the wisdom of your peers and colleagues.  All are experiencing similar challenges, but many view today’s climate as a fantastic opportunity to upgrade your talent.  Learn from some of the best and brightest in the talent management industry and come home brimming with ideas and confidence for those emergency executive meetings.

Plus, you’ll get a chance to meet and greet some of our most talented and innovative HR bloggers!  In addition to myself, I’ll be joined by HR Wench (aka Jenn Barnes), Laurie Ruettimann of Punk Rock HR and the elusive and lime-green HR Minion.  We’ll all be covering the conference live via Twitter and our respective blogs.  I hope you’ll join us and help keep the conversation going.

Our good friend Dan McCarthy has published his fourth edition of the Leadership Development Carnival.  This month’s theme is devoted to National Bosses Day (October 16th).  Although Dan isn’t sure if a gift would demonstrate gratitude or groveling, he’s assembled some fantastic posts to help you wrestle with the leaders in your life:

“We’ll start off with Amazing Things Are Happening Here! posted at Michael Lee Stallard. I’ve just exchanged blogroll links with Michael and really like what he has to say.

Next up is Steve Roesler, award winning leadership and talent management blogger, presenting How To Reduce Your Influence In A Few Easy Words posted at All Things Workplace.

Mary Jo Asmus makes it to the featured post list this month with Hit the Pause Button posted at Intentional Leadership.

Another newcomer, who I just started reading, is Prem Rao, with 7 Things Leadership Isn’t About posted at People at Work & Play.

Art Petty writes a nice piece on the fine line between leadership arrogance and confidence, with The Hubris of Leaders posted at Art Petty on Management.

I always enjoy reading what Nina Simosko has to say on the topic of leadership. Here she gives us Leadership Is About Skills Not Gender posted at NinaSimosko.com.”

So channel your inner Steve Carell and decide if you’d rather be Michael Scott (The Office) or Dan Burns (Dan in Real Office).  Let’s keep the conversation going.

Reflecting our government’s inability to progress toward 21st century human capital management practices, the Department of Homeland Security was forced to announce the untimely death of pay-for-performance Wednesday afternoon.  In his memo to employees, DHS Chief Human Capital Officer Thomas Cairns described the cause:

“The reason for this change is due to the Department’s appropriations act for fiscal year 2009, which prohibits spending funds to operate our new DHS human resources management system.” 

Tim Kaufman of the Federal Times offered a fuller explanation in his article yesterday:

“The final nail in the coffin came Tuesday, when President Bush signed into law a 2009 spending bill for federal agencies that prohibits the department from spending money on the new system. Homeland Security had sought $5 million in fiscal 2009 to fund its performance management system and had hoped to extend the system to 70,000 employees, virtually its entire nonbargaining work force, in the coming year.”

No one denies that competition for key talent and retention of high-performing personnel have been significant obstacles for Federal agencies over the past several years.  With the death of this initiative, the disparity between the antiquated system of Federal pay and modern commercial best practices will grow.  I predict that DHS will continue to lose the people they desperately need, keep the low performers they don’t, and further alienate those who could offer tremendous value to their government and country.  

It’s a simple question of motivation and market parity.  As a result of this action, the public/private divide continues.  In a time calling for increased personal and professional accountability, taking another step backward should not be an option.  Let’s see if the next administration can overhaul the system and keep the conversation going.