Like most detox programs, this one was not initially my choice. No, I was not dragged away from my laptop by white-clad brutes who strong armed me into a secure but nondescript van. Nor was I happily driven out to the country, realizing (only too late) that this wasn’t the park or the zoo, but instead a hospital with barred windows and no wifi. There was no intervention. Tears were not shed. It was much simpler and in many ways symbolic of why this issue is so important.

My family needed me. I had to be present both physically and mentally. Everything else could wait.

Although I am a vocal proponent of the wonderful benefits that social media can afford, I must emphatically suggest that each of us consider a dose of detoxification. Here’s why:

Living in the here and now - If you spend your life obsessively chronicling via Twitter, Facebook and other platforms, you may be missing an incredible opportunity to fully experience that which surrounds you. In our desire to be the wittiest, the fastest, the most compelling or entertaining, we tend to ignore the more subtle aspects of what we’re experiencing. Our short attention span perpetuates this notion that everything is to be broadcast and nothing is sacred.

Making human connections - At an event I recently attended, many of us were thrilled to finally have the chance to meet in person. When the hour of our group dinner arrived, how do you think our band of social media crazed friends reacted? That’s right. We sat mere inches away from one another and tweeted/posted “how cool it was” to finally be together. All of us. In person. Typing on our smartphones. It was a missed opportunity and I regret it.

Silence is golden - Let’s face it, social media is noisy. Each day we add our clicks to the hum and buzz of endless and perpetual chatter. But in finding a quiet moment - in reveling in the ability to pause and take stock - we may gain more wisdom than we think. Some like forests. Some like trees. I personally enjoy the new perspective gained from silence. (This one is difficult for me as I’m generally the one breaking glass instead of reflecting in it.)

So what do you think? Could we all benefit from a little less social media at times? How have you detoxed and what were your catalysts for doing so? Share your thoughts and let’s keep the conversation going. Or, step away from the computer entirely. You just might need the break.

Moving is often cited as one of the most stressful events you’ll face (just behind death and divorce). It can be messy, is often driven by the actions of only one family member and is a very costly endeavor.

Having just completed the fifteenth (and longest) move of my adult life, I decided to take a markedly different approach. These are the lessons I learned along the way.

Lesson 1: Pick A Destination

This takes time, focus and a willingness to look at the realities of your situation through untainted glasses. Make lists. Do research. Talk with those who have already “arrived”. Be honest and allow the emotions to flow. After all, you’re about to change your life.

Lesson 2: Take Stock Of What You Have

Inventory everything. Dust off those items/issues/passions that you haven’t pulled out of the closet for years. You might be surprised to find things that you either thought you had lost or perhaps forgot you ever had. Take a hard look and decide what’s worth keeping.

Lesson 3: Discard Everyone Everything That’s No Longer Useful

Get rid of the clutter before you begin your journey. Address those storage spaces which hold what you’ve never been able to let go. Why keep dragging these things around if they’re no longer of value? Use this opportunity to purge with purposeful abandon.

Lesson 4: Get Professional Help

Sure, you can try and do this on your own, but chances are you’re ill equipped to pull it off successfully. Avoid getting hurt and call in the professionals. You don’t do this everyday. They do. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Lesson 5: Stay Focused And Drive

Distractions and complications are par for the course so your diligence and tenacity will be put to the test. Keep your hands on the wheel. Adjust along the way. As long as you continue to press forward, your destination is that much closer.

Lesson 6: Talk To People Along The Way

Change is hard and it pays to visit with complete strangers for a fresh perspective. Take time to pull over, rest up and share a meal or coffee. The more you talk about where you’re headed, the more real it will become. Sharing can set an expectation with others that you may feel an obligation to fulfill.

Lesson 7: Celebrate Your Arrival

I know… you’re tired. It’s been a long and arduous journey and there’s still work to be done. But guess what? You did it!! So pat yourself on the back, kick up your heels and celebrate your arrival. Then, when the balloons run low on air and the confetti gets swept, breathe and enjoy your success. You deserve it.

Mark Stelzner just logged 3,000 miles in a small sedan with his wife and two dogs. As a result, he and the cast/crew of Inflexion Advisors are proud to call San Francisco their new home. He promises this is the last he’ll speak of his move and he’s certain that everyone is sick of hearing about it. Still, he learned something, and for a prematurely gray former voice actor, that’s not a bad outcome.

Rose Kovach’s journey was difficult from the start. She was born in 1916 to immigrant parents who settled in a suburb of Milwaukee. Her childhood was tumultuous. At the age of 14, Rose was forced to testify that her mother’s murder of her father was in self-defense. Rose knew otherwise.

Rose never really had an easy life. She went on to marry a gregarious man named Tony. In the midst of World War II, Tony got into an argument with Rose and whimsically joined the Marines. This was not their first argument as Tony abused Rose both physically and emotionally. Left alone to care for their two babies while Tony went off to war, she asked the Catholic Church for a divorce. She wanted to ensure the children were protected from Tony’s anger. She was not only declined, she was ridiculed for asking for such a thing while her husband “fought for our country”. Rose never had it easy.

But Rose persevered. She tried to protect her children, including the two boys she had following Tony’s returned from the Pacific. Despite her 98 pound, 4′11″ frame, Rose was tough. She lived a long and fruitful life, and those who knew her remember a kind woman who had a generous heart, a hilarious wit and a warm smile.

Last night, after a long battle with Alzheimer’s and at the age of 93, Rose Kovach bid the world goodbye.

Rose Kovach Stelzner was my grandmother.

One thing that strikes me now is that Grandma Rose had a point of view on work and life. Whether is was running a bar or working in the High School cafeteria, Rose did what was necessary to help provide for her family. This is something that is true for millions of Americans today, but the simplicity of such an obvious focus is lost in the endless chatter on job creation and the plight of the unemployed.

People must work to sustain themselves and their family. It’s really that simple.

Not surprisingly, I’ve been thinking about Grandma Rose, her story and her challenges. I don’t recall her bemoaning her lot in life. I can’t think of a single harsh word spoken or a time when her laughter didn’t fill the room. She had it rough and unfortunately her story is not unique. However, my grandmother taught me that life is simply to be lived to the best of our ability. You do the best you can with what you’ve got and hopefully it’s enough.

So take a chapter from Rose’s playbook and try and make the world a little better than you found it. Build personal and lasting relationships. Make someone smile. Treat work as simply a means to focus on the things that truly make you happy.

And thank you to my little Grandma Rose. Even in death, she’s still showing me what matters. I’ll miss you.

It’s that time of year when we reflect on the past and revise our goals for the future. For many, January 1st represents an opportunity to break free of many of the challenges in our personal and professional lives. After perusing a number of articles describing the most successful techniques for sticking to your newfound goals, one element stood out above all the rest - pick just one resolution.

With that level of focus, here is my 2010 HR New Year’s Resolution…

Listen More/Talk Less

Now don’t accuse me of cheating by squeezing two resolutions into one. I could have said “listen more”, but that wouldn’t have necessarily ensured that my yapping was held to a minimum. I also could have offered “talk less”, but that may not have kept my ears and mind open during the muted periods. Thus, “listen more/talk less” is my realistic hybrid. It should be obvious why this is a good strategy for HR (or anyone), but if it’s not, a few quotes can drive the point home:

• “Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.” ~ Epictetus
• “It is the province of knowledge to speak and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.” ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes
• “The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

I believe that there is an answer to every question our HR industry faces. It’s out there. It already exists. That’s not to say that innovation is dead, but instead that HR has done a historically lousy job of seeking answers from within. So, in 2010, I’m going to ask a lot a questions, I’m going to speak with hundreds (and hopefully thousands) of you, and I’m going to make it my resolution to document the answers and share them. If nothing else, I’m going to learn, and that’s a resolution I know I can keep.

So in the theme of “listen more/talk less”, what’s your one HR resolution for 2010? What are the questions you’d like to see answered? Share your thoughts below, have a wonderful and safe New Year, and let’s keep the conversation going.

Although I’m a cynic at times, I try to find irony and humor in a lot these days and it doesn’t take much to make me smile. If you’ve met me (and many of you have), I probably drink more than you’d expect, stay up later than I should and am a huge fan of self-deprecating humor and stories. In other words, I try not to take myself too seriously. So when others take me seriously I have a hard time reconciling their theory with my own reality.

As an example, I was recently named as numero uno among the Top 25 HR Digital Influencers of 2009. This list was compiled by John Sumser using an algorithm which assessed industry reach, resonance and relevance. And although John was pretty sure his calculations were off (since he had never heard of me), apparently he has the math to back up his process. In fact, John and I spoke for the very first time the day after his Top 25 list was released. (Not sure if I lose points on reach, resonance or relevance when the list assembler has no idea who I am! *grin*)

So here’s what happened… the rankings came out and there were three camps of emotional responses:

• Camp One: Congratulatory and genuinely happy for those who made the list.
• Camp Two: Questioning the mathematical legitimacy of the process and what role, if any, personal bias or confounding factors (”What qualifies as ‘influence’ in HR?”) may have had in skewing the results.
• Camp Three: Overtly or covertly livid by either their personal exclusion or others inclusion in the rankings.

As crazy as it sounds, I received a number of emails accusing me of “working the system” or “playing up JobAngels“ when it should have “no bearing on your HR influence“. I also witnessed countless discussions on Twitter (and heard of other phone conversations) that can only be described as perturbed eye-rolling at that thought that “Stelzner is considered some sort of influence on the industry“.

Well, at least I’m networked well enough to know when people talk smack about me. And let’s face it, were it not for the global distribution of the JobAngels story, there is no way I’d be sitting atop this list. I get it. Truly.

But let me be clear - this post is not a falsely modest attempt to gain reinforcement that I am an important cog in the online HR wheel. Instead, this experience makes me call the entire notion of lists and their value into question. In fact, many of my fellow “listees” have formed similar opinions and written some terrific posts on this topic. Be sure to check out Lance Haun and Laurie Ruettimann for two examples.

Lists make people crazy. Lists, by their very nature, are extremely exclusionary, mostly subjective (in both process and form) and highly controversial. They are often attempts to use the brand equity of others for personal gain. Whether it’s an analyst firm ranking top HR service providers or someone telling you the best places to work, they are really the lazy person’s tool for decision making. As consumers of lists, we rarely take the time to double click into the methodology or uncover any inherent bias in their creation.

Given my bizarre experience, I have a few new items on my HR industry Christmas list. The good news is that they are all free, so see how many you can afford to put into practice in 2010:

1. Be an influencer: We all have voices, experiences and learnings that are valuable. Jump into the conversation and be heard or forever hold your peace.

2. Help your peers: The temptation to be insular and secretive about what works (or doesn’t) in your organization is quite alluring. Avoid this by sharing with those around you and forming dynamic working groups to problem solve.

3. Manage the clock: Not having time is not a valid excuse. No one has time, yet some manage to make time for the betterment of our industry.

4. Do your homework: Do not remain dependent on pundits to figure out the answers. Seek selective advice and make well informed decisions.

5. Smile: If you hate HR, quit. If you don’t, find a reason to smile and stop taking yourself so seriously. Life is too short to be miserable and no one wants to be around unhappy people.

So that’s it. No big epiphany or telling conclusion. Now stop reading blogs, walk away from the computer and go visit with someone who is dear to you. And when you are done with that, come back, share your thoughts and let’s keep the conversation going.

Let me begin with a “thank you” to your usual host - the illustrious Dan McCarthy of Great Leadership - for allowing Inflexion Point to serve as guest host for the December Leadership Development Carnival. I’m also happy to unveil a brand new logo, a wonderment that saved me hours of pouring through Google results for a non-creepy carnival themed image.

Although the weather outside may be frightful, this Carnival’s writers are so delightful. So stoke the fire, grab a blanket and get ready to curl up with some of the best leadership writing from the past thirty days. Cozy yet? Good… let’s jump right in.

Leadership Whiteout

The good thing about a whiteout is that you have no choice but to stop and pay attention:

• Wally Bock of Three Star Leadership warns you to Mind The Leadership Gap.
• Art Petty of Management Excellence reflects on the year in Leadership Style 2009 - What We Learned.
• Taleo’s Alice Snell calls out the Leadership Void.
• Find some direction with Bret Simmons’ You Will Lead The Same Way You Follow, So Be Careful About How You Follow.
• Aspire’s Mary Jo Asmus provides terrific guidance with, What Do You Believe About Leadership?
• Janna Rust of Purposeful Leadership offers Coaching: How the Best Leaders Teach.

Surviving The Blizzard

2009 has been anything but easy:

• Coaching Tip’s John Agno leads us off with Six Essential Leadership Traits for Hard Times.
• Barbra Sundquist of Become a Certified Coach offers great tips on How To Help Someone Who Is Stuck.
• Working Girl’s Laura Schroeder taps into employees’ Enlightened Self-Interest.
• Miki Saxon of MAPping Company Success shares The Secret of Motivation.
• HR Bartender Sharlyn Lauby shares her tale of Workplace Ethics and the Three Monkeys.
• Nick McCormick channels John Spence of Awesomely Simple in You Become What You Focus On.
• Mountain State University’s Becky Robinson states the importance of Creating Community.

Plowing Through

We often have no choice but to push forward:

• MoneyNing’s David Ning has 12 Surprisingly Simple Ways to Get More Done.
• James of Organize IT supplies an Emergency Response Guide.
• Patti Blevins suggests you Develop Your Prosperity Consciousness.
• Without Warning Coach Rodney Johnson throws down in Wrestling With Alligators.
• The People Equation’s Jennifer Miller breaks through The Ambiguity Factor.
• Scientific Management’s Aaron Windeler provides 4 Leadership Tactics That Help The Bottom Line.
• Chris Young of Maximize Possibility offers 5 Ways To Keep “Accountability” From Becoming A Buzzword.

Finding Snowflakes

Let’s face it, some employees/leaders may be more unique than others:

• Great Leadership’s Dan McCarthy reminds us that High Potential Notification Guidelines should not be too heavy or too light.
• GeekMBA360 lets you in on the Dirty Secrets of Performance Reviews.
• Amy Wilson of TalentedApps uses her senses in Be Their Eyes And Ears.
• Andy Klein of the Fortune Group tells us Why Leaders Must Hold People Accountable (or deserve their failure).
• Lisa Rosendahl of Simply Lisa states that Leadership Is Only As Good As The Leader.
• Dallas Bragg of Developing Daily offers helpful tips on Mentoring New Employees.
• The Mentor Club’s Louise Moule quantifies The X Factor Of A Consultant.
• Miki Saxon of Leadership Turn provides a simple truth in Real Leaders Are Fair.

Brain Freeze

Sure it’s cold, but that’s really no excuse:

• Madeleine Van Hecke’s post on SharpBrains teaches us to Train Your (Brain’s) Autopilot (and how to turn it off).
• Management Issues’ Wayne Turmel shakes up your inner lizard in Reptilian Brains.
• Anne Perschel of Germane Consulting asks, Are You Smarter Than A Fish?
• Jonathan Senior of Sharp End Training makes you an instant expert with the Buzz Phrase Generator.

Good stuff. Thank you to all of our contributors. Our hope is that you discovered some new voices and enjoyed the perspectives and thoughts of those with whom you may already be familiar.

Did you have a favorite? How many hot apple ciders did you drink? What issues would you like this crowd to tackle in 2010? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the (leadership) conversation going.

It took an extensive search of the Inflexion Point attic to locate my dusty crystal ball. Although it’s served me with mixed results in the past, I am a glutton for punishment and can’t resist prognosticating the future of our lovely industry.

But before we look forward, let’s journey back to December of 2008 and see how I fared with my 2009 predictions.

2009 - HR and The Year of The Ox

We had turned to the Chinese Zodiac to guide our predictions for 2009. Did the Ox serve us well? Let’s find out:

Prediction #1: HR will add tremendous value, but not in areas they desire.

Reality: With a direct hit, I (unfortunately) sunk this particular battleship. In fact, I’m just going to include what we said last year to prove the point:

“Executives will turn to you to tackle some of least desirable work in the enterprise. They will count on your discretion, ability to navigate tricky waters and keep them out of trouble, and to do so without a single complaint. Training and experience will matter most and you will perform well. However, this is not what you hoped to be doing with your HR career as transactions will supersede transformation at almost every turn.”

Prediction #2: For many of you, this will be your last year in HR.

Reality: A mixed bag, as many of you did indeed turn out the lights on your own position after downsizing dozens, hundreds or thousands of employees. According to Workforce Management’s 2009 HR Anxiety Survey, many did consider exiting the profession, especially after conducting extensive layoffs. Where my prediction was completely off base was the belief that a newfound distaste for the profession would drive many of you to truly self-select out of HR for greener pastures. But as we all know, grass wasn’t growing anywhere else in 2009, so those who had a job were largely grateful for the simple pleasures of a paycheck and continued benefits.

Prediction #3: HR vendors will take a beating.

Reality: I was largely correct. In reaction to broader economic conditions, most organizations faced several rounds of layoffs in 2009, and HR vendors were no exception. Many took this as an opportunity to reexamine their value proposition, messaging, product strategy, market segmentation, sales and distribution, while others simply hunkered down and waited for the storm to pass. In the past few months, I have witnessed a resurgence of activity from venture firms who see a highly fragmented market that’s ripe for consolidation.

Prediction #4: Welcome to HR 2.0.

Reality: This was a miss. Although there are some wonderful examples of HR embracing new media in 2009, those early adopters still represent a disproportionately small percentage of the overall HR population. The one notable exception may be recruiting as the use of LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter (in decreasing order of popularity) continues to be touted as table stakes for the modern talent management strategy.

2010 - Year of the HR Truism

With questionable performance in 2009, let’s go ahead and jump right into my thoughts for the first year of the new decade. Wow… a new decade. Remember ten years ago when we thought the world’s infrastructure would fail because of Y2K? No need to stockpile this time around.

In the spirit of “what’s old is new again”, I firmly believe that 2010 will unfortunately repeat some of same tired old truisms that continue to be part of industry folklore. If you’re wondering what a “truism” is, Merriam-Webster defines it as an undoubted or self-evident truth; especially one too obvious to mention.

Since we’re masters of the obvious, I’ll mention them anyway:

Prediction #1: The Vocal Minority Will Be Unhappy

Pockets of industry discontent grew louder in 2009 and I don’t see any means of bottling this particular genie. To the contrary, I suspect calls for material change will continue to be heard and that many are starting to take note of the vocal minority. However, to go mainstream, HR’s largest influencers will need to materially participate in defining, developing and nurturing this next generation of thinking. It will not be easy, glass will be broken and feathers ruffled. However, if properly organized and clearly outcome-based, this could be a very exciting year for (r)evolutionary change.

Why It’s A Truism: The vocal minority has always been unhappy and it hasn’t resulted in moving the industry in a measurable way. Why should 2010 be any different?

Prediction #2: Technology Will Fix What Ails Us

With so much noise surrounding the various and sundry means of leveraging social media, many have lost sight of the underlying strategies that these tools are meant to enable. It sounds trite, but we all know that tools are just tools… don’t we? Many will look to technology to fix what ails them and therefore lose sight of the destination. Scope your projects tightly and only look to technology once you clearly understand how it will address explicit and well-defined outcomes factored against the nuances of your organization.

Why It’s A Truism: This is an age-old problem in human resources. Technology has often been viewed as an end versus a means. Shocking, I know.

Prediction #3: The Value Of Memberships Will Be (Passively) Questioned

You all have industry memberships. In fact, on average you hold approximately eight active memberships to a wide variety of paid and unpaid industry groups and forums. But let’s face it, 2010 is going to be busy and you will reflect back on 2009 and ponder where you truly found value when times were tough. You don’t have the capacity to attend all the conferences, read all the publications, attend all the local chapter meetings and log into dozens of social networking sites, forums and affinity groups. You will quietly say “enough already” and make some hard choices. Many of you have done this already. That being said, you may retain many of these affiliations (especially if your company pays for them) and passively vote with your time. This may shock some low-value players as they review their utilization rates and engagement statistics this time next year.

Why It’s A Truism: We have always complained about the value of our memberships yet seem to rarely vote with our feet or participate in driving change from within.

Prediction #4: Managers Will Terrorize HR

Managers need HR because managers are generally incompetent, and nowhere is this more acutely felt than when the engines of growth start to turn. Economists remain torn as to when a full-blown recovery will kick into high gear, but is generally believed this will hit in late Q3/early Q4 2010. As HR professionals, you know exactly what this means. Whining line managers who never listened will come clamoring in droves for your services. I use “terrorize” because that’s how it works - an unexpected, unplanned attack that wreaks havoc upon the psyche of the unsuspecting. What do you do? Start planning now. Get the troops in order and preemptively strike.

Why It’s A Truism: If you solved the manager dilemma you would work yourself right out of a job. Don’t believe me? Listen to this candid interview with Laurie Ruettimann (if you dare).

Thoughts?

On bended knee, I implore you to please, please prove me wrong. I would love nothing more than to open this post in December of 2010 and join you in a hearty laugh at my shortsightedness and ignorance. In fact, I’m going to work actively in 2010 to try and crush my crystal ball to pieces. I hope you’ll join me in doing the same, because I know I can’t do it alone.

I say it every post, but others are starting to use my little catch phrase in their communications:

“… let’s keep the conversation going.”

I truly mean it. Write me. Call me. Message me on Twitter. Comment below. Brief me on the unbelievably cool things you’re doing and let’s spread the word. Remember this - I work for you, and the future is in your hands.

I know it seems a little early to look back on 2009 with 1/12th of the year yet to pass, but our friends at SmartBrief have asked each member of the Workforce Advisory Board to share their lessons learned from this year.

From my perspective, I can sum up 2009 in one simple word:

Vampires.

2009 Sucked

Millions have lost their jobs and remained unemployed. The official rate stands at 10.2% (as of October) among the general population. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the situation is much worse for African Americans (15.7%) and Latinos (13.1%). No surprise that this makes the list, as I’ve personally engaged with thousands this year who struggle to secure the precious few jobs that are available. This really sucks.

Millions also lost their homes this year. According to RealtyTrac, over 300,000 homeowners received notices of foreclosure, repossession or default in October alone. That’s one out of every 385 homes nationwide, with California, Florida, Michigan and Illinois accounting for over 50% of the total. Have you ever walked through a tent city filled with the displaced? You should, as you will get a sense of just how horrific the situation is. This is another “10″ on the suck-o-meter.

There are a thousand other reasons that 2009 may have sucked for you and it surrounds us every day. Two wars. Loss of healthcare. Amber alerts. Workplace violence. Swine flu. The list goes on and on. And although many are going to surround a table during tomorrow’s Thanksgiving dinner and express gratitude for what remains, there is no question that this year has forced many to fundamentally reevaluate their lives and priorities.

HR Is (Un)Dead

A raging and vocal debate subsumed a portion of the human resources market in 2009. Was HR dead? Did HR rise and live again? Will HR walk the halls of corporate America forever, or will a wooden stake of the future finally put HR down? Or, perhaps we should just leave poor HR alone and do nothing.

Like the vampire, HR had a questionable reputation among the living working in 2009. For some, human resources is dark, mysterious, reviled and can strike without warning. For others, it’s a misunderstood profession that just wants to be respected and - dare I say - loved. Some pitchfork carrying torchbearers even cried for a revolution in 2009, while others would prefer an evolution. Many questions remain, but this much I can confirm - the likeness of HR professionals can be captured on film.

Vampires, Seriously?

A recent quote in an article on the vampire craze aptly summarized why I chose this particular metaphor.

“It’s about love and loss and friendship and getting through things you’re not sure you can get through, but you do anyway.”

And that my friends is 2009 in a nutshell. Love. Loss. Friendship. Getting through some of the worst times we can imagine, and doing so because we don’t have a choice.

How did you see 2009? Any other vampire-like characteristics I missed? Share your thoughts, be thankful that the year is nearly over, and let’s keep the conversation going.

For those unfamiliar with the concept, “Carnivals” are a collection of the most intriguing blog posts over a given period of time. The carnival host is responsible for collecting, vetting, organizing and disseminating the posts in an original piece of their own. For those interested, there is a site dedicated to carnivals on virtually any topic you can imagine. For my readers, I’d recommend you pay very close attention to two in particular.

The Carnival of HR
This is the leading carnival of the HR industry. It began a few years ago under the leadership of a phenomenal voice who writes as Evil HR Lady. It is now managed by one of my favorite industry cheerleaders, Shauna Moerke (aka, HR Minion). As you might expect, this carnival rotates around the industry from HR blogger to HR blogger, and the schedule of those hosting can be found here. Inflexion was fortunate to have served as ringmaster back in June.

On November 25th, our friend Mike VanDervort will be hosting a very special edition entitled, “The HR Carnival for Global Giving“. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, Mike wants to take the concept to another level while raising money for charity. He’s agreed to donate $1 for every blogger who submits a post to next week’s edition. This has inspired others to offer matching funds, including Tammy Colson, Lance Haun, Joan Ginsburg and yours truly. At last count, this collective support has raised the stakes to over $500. And if you needed a reminder as to why giving is so important, be sure to read this emotional post by Trish McFarlane.

The Leadership Development Carnival

If the name Dan McCarthy is not familiar to you, it absolutely should be. Dan has served in the field of leadership development for over two decades and currently leads the charge in this area for one of Fortune’s “Best Companies to Work For”. Dan writes for the aptly named blog “Great Leadership“ and has lived up to the promise of offering thought provoking work on this important segment of the market.

Once a month, Dan hosts the Leadership Development Carnival (see November’s edition here) by collecting the most provocative posts and musings during that time. Although he doesn’t relinquish the Big Top very often, Dan has asked us to host the December 6th edition. We’re honored to do so.

So, if you have a post on leadership that you’d like to submit, please use this form and we will take it from there. This is a very broad area and Dan typically receives well over 100 submissions, so please ensure that your post is on topic so I can guarantee your inclusion.

Are Carnivals Helpful?

Do you have other carnivals that you read? Do you think the industry needs more of them? Do you find these collections of posts to be helpful? Share your thoughts below and lets keep the conversation going.

I’ve been told that I am a master conversation killer. Is it a gift? I’m not sure, but in the past week alone I have managed to single-handedly grind over a dozen discussions to a screeching halt.

Conference calls? Killed. In-person meetings? No pulse on this one. Webinars? DOA. Even drinks with friends? Call the coroner.

So why, exactly, is this something to be proud of? And how does one wield this weapon to his or her advantage? Come closer to your screen. Yes, you. Let me explain…

Why You Need This Skill

Time is your number one enemy. You know when someone sighs and says, “I could sure use another 24 hours in the day!” and you politely chuckle? Sure, you hate that saying, but it is a kernel of truth that resonates with most of us.

American Public Media drove this point home in a recent segment on “Marketplace”. It cited a Labor Department report that productivity is at it’s highest level in six years. So those of you who are employed are busier than ever.

This means you don’t have time to listen to that annoying coworker. You need the meeting to either get to the point quickly or cut you loose. You have stuff to do, you need to get to it and you no do not have the luxury of sitting through a painful and endless diatribe on a topic that is either beat to death or meaningless to your life.

And it’s not just in the workplace. It’s also at home and plaguing our children. Team sports, school work and online activities are all contributing factors. In fact, Experian Simmons just released a report stating that, “Today’s American Children Are Busier Than Ever“.

Add to these issues the fact that we sometimes tend to over-intellectualize a topic. You know, beat it to a pulp. And all the while you’re just wishing you could move on with your life! Time to bring our the verbal machete and cut to the quick.

3 Ways To Kill A Conversation

Ok, these may not work for everyone, but I believe they have broad application. The only way to know is to try them out. But like a new cleaning product, you may want to test these in an area of your life that isn’t highly visible before applying it to the mainstream:

1. “Well, there you have it!“:

This one is very effective. After a long and drawn out discussion on a topic, you simply insert yourself into the mix and state in a clear and final voice, “Well, there you have it!“.

The key to this one is to hold out through the shocked pause that will follow. Don’t crack. When in person, have a very upbeat look on your face and even nod gently as if to say, “Think we’ve got this one covered everybody”. If you loose confidence, you can follow it with a quick segue into a topic you want to discuss.

2. “You’ve been so generous with your time.“

The is the gentle let down. You don’t want to hurt their feelings, but you really must move on. This one is funny because if you’ve ever been on the receiving end, it does make you pause and think about how long you’ve been speaking. Reactions will vary, but inevitably there is recognition that time has passed and it’s time to move on. Be prepared for the, “No problem, I have plenty of time” response. If that happens, follow with a quick glance at your watch (if in person) and, “Actually, I need to run“.

It’s clean, it wraps up nicely and no one gets hurt.

3. The Final Proclamation

This one takes some serious cojones. You are about to state the final truth on this topic and need to have confidence. If you’re in a meeting, this is the time to grab your notepad and pen and stand up. If out to dinner or at a bar, this is used right as you excuse yourself for the restroom. Remember, you are powerful and about to say something that is really somewhat trite and meaningless. Want an example? Sure.

Two weeks ago I was speaking with a financial analyst about our market. We were running in circles. He kept stating the same facts and spoke for fifteen minutes without a breath. Having had enough, I took the phone off mute and declared, “This market is fascinating, complex and frustrating.” He paused. Thirty seconds… then nearly a minute. He finally agreed. Conversation over.

Well, there you have it. You’ve been so generous with your time.

Be sure to let me know if these (or other tips and tricks) work for you by sharing in the comments section below. I have brilliant and sly readers and I know your techniques are top notch. Good luck killer and let’s (not) keep the conversation going.